I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
