First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
