i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
