Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
