I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
