Please, let me fuck your mom
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
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