if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
