just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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