I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
be right there i have to get my cape
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Two words: nipple clamps
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