i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
