capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
