Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
