I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
