Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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