I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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