She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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