my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
