I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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