worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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