she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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