Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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