Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Two words: blizzard sex
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
