omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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