Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
