I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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