I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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