ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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