dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
