bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
