Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
