1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
