I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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