you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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