Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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