Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
