do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
