How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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