We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
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Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
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Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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