I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I love black thongs
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
