I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
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Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
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I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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