Jerry, you need to find god
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The power of my boobs compel you
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
