I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
