i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
