after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
