Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
