A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I am mentally ready for anal.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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