Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
