I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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