Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
