Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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