You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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