It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
NoShamevember. You game?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
