Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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