Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
