we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
