DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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