Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
