i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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