After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
