Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
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