somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
