i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
