birth control should be required to get into college
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
