i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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