There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
