the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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