another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
