we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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