I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
