How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The air was thick with penises
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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