drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
