Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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