Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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