He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
