Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
