half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
A+ Viking dick
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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