At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
